Happily Single

N asked me, "Will you take your next boyfriend seriously?"
Before I even got to think about it, I said "No."


That one moment changed greatly how I viewed everything.

I don't want to be seriously involved. I have the rest of life ahead of me. I have 20 more years to find love of whatever sort.

Great guys are out there, you know. This is the Phil. I don't mind settling down at 40 if that's what life wants for me.

In the meantime, if I snag a guy, I snag a guy. If I don't, then I don't. I guess I have to stick to this now. No more bitterness. No more whining when people are being all affectionate. No more desperately flirting with any guy that comes my way. No more screening prospects.

I have to prove to them that I don't need a guy anymore.
And prove to myself in the process that I'm a completely happy person with just what I have.


In the meantime, I'm indulging in everything I've deprived myself of on the dark ages. Magazines. Movies. Clothes. Accesories. Good food. Great movies. Great books. Glamour. Makeup.

I don't want to care about what they see about me anymore.

I am glamour. I know I'm a friendly and totally amicable person, but I'm no longer pushing myself. I love my friends. They are great parts of my life just the way they are. I love my family.

God I surrender everything to you.