Wow, I'm here again.
What is it with men and why do they have the capacity to make me unhappy. Or or or maybe that's just me.
2015 is not my best year. I don't even want to fight it anymore. Here I am again, writing with my cigarettes, only this time I have wine with me instead of beer. Feels better, mind you.
Honestly, I just don't want to see J again, especially at this point when I am so extremely unattractive mentally and socially. I just want to hide away and do the things I want. Which is very weird, because the things I want is to be with people.
I want to be happy. I believe that I deserve to be happy. I want to be peaceful. I want to be ecstatic. Whatever, this all doesn't matter. And will not matter 100 years from now.
What. The. Fuck. Is. FUCKING. Wrong. With. Me.
I mean, everything is going very very well. I got the man of my dreams. I am in good terms with my parents. I have lots of freedom. I looj great. I have an amazing amazing job.
What. the fuck. is up??
I've been reading amazing amounts of literature about happiness and I just can't get it. Is it really all about luck? Is it all yin and yang? Is it really just a state of mind? AM I REALLY IN CONTROL??
Well, yeah, I guess I can vouch for that. Man, this is really just not a good weekend.
Maybe I should be spending the day being happy on my own. Yea, I guess that sounds good because all my social skills have gone down the drain since I've had a boyfriend. Uhhuh, good ol' charming me, no more allure, no more charm. Yep.
It's like an unpulled muscle.
Whatever. My cigarettes are waiting. Ciao.
