Love and unlove

So he told me he still loves me. It's been 2 years. I dont want to think about it. It's too weird. And it's a bit too late. Everything that I loved about him, I can't appreciate anymore. I did this blog to stop thinking about him. Everything I did in this blog, I did to survive... and when I was on the brink of survival, you go say something like that.

Maybe it's actually better.

I'm actually really over everyone. New laptop, new life.

I'm so far from in love right now.

And, I'm still thinking about loving you. If I can. And I don't know if I can. It took me 1 and a half year to fall in love with you, 1 and a half year to be happy with you, and 1 and a half year to move on.

It took me forever to unlove you. And now that I've unloved, I can't see myself in love anymore. Maybe I'm numb already. Maybe I now have 'the gift' of not needing anyone in my life. (Impossible, I keep on looking at everyone around.)

After this whole journey, it turns out, you're still in love with me. With the intensity of that being in love, I don't know. I don't even feel it. I know it's true. I know that we're too big a part of each other's lives. Our souls were really entwined for a time, and its hard to unbind it.

I'm empty right now. Really. I'm not sad about it, I don't know. I can't imagine having to ask someone if I can go somewhere. I can't imagine hugging someone and being in love. I can't remember a good kiss. Maybe I just don't believe in it for the moment anymore.

And I'm still here, searching. Because, really, I don't think I'd like life very much without it.