V

Your Miss M is a virgin.

It's one of the verities I told myself not to confess to this blog, but here it is... Miss M is a virgin. I'm turning 19 soon.

I'm doing it with someone I love soon. :) Or maybe after I get married. It's when I'm 19 or never. O_o

Please.

Dear J,

Stop.

-M

A facts that is slighty wrong about me not so secretly

I like the guy more when someone likes them. Human nature I guess. You like the thing that other people like having. There's victory in getting them somehow.

I spent the evening with N's Semi-boyfriend/s. No wonder she loves them. I know that I don't get to talk much to them because I can be really uptight sometimes, but they give the best conversation. I wish I could've talked more with them. Especially the real Semi-boyfriend since I've always wanted to be friends with him.


Anyway, people are asking for my number. Well someone is. If it's Male Model, I'm dying on my seat! Eeeek!


I don't mind really, whoever he is.

Yadayadayada.


Funny though, I've got lots of secrets... There's J, L's Exie, Male Model.... and all the other juicy stuff.

Life is a long Day.

An acqauintance told me:

"It is better not to mind the thing that depresses you,
because it only makes you weak inside and out.

There are lot of things you can give your time to,
don't get stuck with the thing that ruins your day.

Be happy."


It's just like one of my philosophy about each day. When something unlucky happens to you in your day, you should not drag it around with you, otherwise, it will drag you down along with it.

On the otherhand, when something good happens to you, it's fine to bring the memory of it with you around. It uplifts you, so it must be good for you.


Just a good thought to keep me pushing through with life.


My lucky charm is my belief in God. The stronger it is, the luckier I will be. He has given me all I dreamt of. I live a charmed life. I am luckier than a lot of people, but thinking about it, we are all lucky anyhows. The luckiest, however, are those who make the most of what they have and cherish it with their hearts.


Life is just a long day.

Dear NL, I'm scared.

Dear NL,

Hi. Whoever you are. Wherever you are.

I'm sorry if I'm being like this. I'm sorry for my misbehaviour when it comes to matters of J. It's slutty, it's whore-y, it's cheap and I have to take care of myself for you.

But where are you anyway?

Will I even be able to let you read this?


I don't mind that you're not here yet. Just do get here one day. And give me a wonderful life. Treat me good. Make me fall in love. Love me completely.


I'm not even supposed to think of this right now.
I'm stressing myself out because of this.

It's called marriage.

I'm too young to think about it, but I do think about it. And I'm worried. And scared.


Truly yours, please save me,
M.

Dear J,

You are the biggest asshole I've met all my life. Possibly the worst I'll ever get to meet. If you have to know (which you don't) the only reason I'm still entertaining you is because no one else has come around. Which sucks, since true love won't be around until I've no idea. 23? 25? 28?

Sloppily yours,
M.


...


Dear M,

Stop looking for a boyfriend.

Spend your college life being friends with everyone. Girls and boys alike.



You are more entertaining and charming when you're friendly and not trying to attract. Besides, you're pretty and sexy just the way you are. You just need to lessen the effort. Discretion is key.


Lovingly yours,
M.

Crush

I'm leaving the original blog for a while. Not because I don't love her anymore and because I love you. Fuck. Why does this have to sound so much like infidelity?

...

Conversation between me and L

M: I'm going out with J. Yup. Despite the fact that he doesn't treat me well.
L: I don't like it.
M: But I like him. And maybe I need this.
L: M, Male Model has a crush on you. The Male Model has a crush on you.
M: I know.
L: There are a lot guys there who have crushes on you. Why are you settling for that asshole?
M: I know. (Sad face)
L: And if the rest of the M-Crushing population finds out, they'll get turned off.


It's true. There are guys who have crushes on me. Hello, ego!

But still, no one's actually pursuing me. There are lot's of prospects out there. And I know I just have to wait. But sometimes, I just wish I can take the matter in my own hands.


So maybe I am pretty. I mean, let's just saaay that I am. It's not enough. I have to converse properly and colorfully. I have to be fucking charming!

I'm loveable and I know it. J made me doubt my charm. N isnt helping much either. There are always people who pull you down. It makes me think that they are insecure of what I have. I felt this with B, the boy bestfriend, before, but I don't think that had anything to do with insecurity back then. Now I love B with all my heart.


(K, the friend, is so making me uncomfy. :( Shit. )

Lots

As many gossip I want to reveal. I can't write.


Once upon a time conversation between me and J:

J: Darls I have to tell you something
M: ...
J: Don't fall in love with me
M: WTF? (Deep inside: Thanks for reminding me.) How dare you...
J: Wrong selection of words. I mean, let's not fall in love with each other.
M: Okay.
J: I mean it.
M: I won't.
J: Say it to me.
M: I won't fall in love with you.


And I won't. Ever. It sucks because everything's just so stupid. You know you can pretty much get your way. You just have to be nice. Whatever.

If we have forgotten, you have a girl friend. And I'm being a slut. And I can't let the Male Model who has a (tiny) crush on me know.

If we get caught, we're history.

...


Dear N,

What do I do that hurt you? Is it joking around that I like Him? Because, believe me, I don't.

I never hurt you on purpose.

But you hurt me because you want to revenge.

I NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU.

I do everything in my power to give you the best. And you know that. I love you that much! How dare you.


Now, I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm thinking of moving away, but I hate the difficulties. I don't want to pull a Ke.


Hurt and confused, but don't want to worry about it,
M.

...


Dear K.

You fucking asshole.

Foul.

Don't you ever make that joke again.

Offensive.


Angrily yet calmly,
M.

...


Dear Male Model,


Thank you for finding me pretty.

I'm not expecting for you to really have a crush on me. And it wouldn't matter.

And it's soooo loserish of me to consider this an achievement. But it is! It really is!


I am pretty.

After ?? years, I am finally pretty.


Prettily yours (if you'll have me perhaps),
M.

...

Dear Ji,

I love you. :*

Sincerely yours,
M

...

Dear everyone.
You saved me.

-Yours truly, M

More than rumors

It's been rumored that one of the hottest guys in my building has an itsy bitsy crush on me.

OH MY GOOOODD!!!


Ok, fine. It's not a rumor. Ji (a friend) TOLD ME!

I know it doesnt matter, and he'll remain anonoymous for a long time until I accidentally figure out who he is. Ooooh. Juicy.


Im telling N my feeling later.

J and yours truly are watching a movie. I don't know when, what, and how... but yeah. We will. The guy's fucking suave.

Hurt

Dear N,

We've tried. Didn't we?
Or I tried.


I just don't like being around people who don't believe in me.

And you're so not one of them.


You push me lower all the time.

I love you, I do.

But you're just not so healthy sometimes.


-M

J, darls,

I wish I went there. Because my day was so fucking bland.


-M


P.S. I had feelings for you. I could still like you if you were a much better person.