I do cry for you.
A lot.

I just dont show it because I dont want you thinking that I'm in love you. But in verity, I am. Really abnormally am.

I don't want you to hear me crying because I know you're a free soul.

Yes, sometimes I do wish I'm not inlove with you. The aggravation kills. I can remember leaving the exie when I felt this much aggravation, it being a wrong decision, but I just cant handle the aggravation.

Last nigh I went out with my girls, and they proved me right that I'm still beautiful. Despite the haircut etc. I'd swap you with someone who'll treat me better, but why would I? I love you.

I hate it when I'm being such a girl.

y?

Ah. Boyfriends.

When you're busy, you don't miss them. But when you aren't you go crazy without them.

And you just can't change it. Fuck life.


Speaking of fuck, o yeah, I've. Its not a big deal actually... been doing it for, hmm lemme count. 1, 2, 3 4 5, 6 7. Seven times and we've yet to actually finish it. Makes me feel like I'm still a virgin. And stupid me, I sometimes do it without condoms.

Am gonna stop that now.

Sadly, we haven't made love yet.

...

O fucking.


Aside from these, I don't quite think I'm in a high point of my life. My haircut sucks,. my friends are awkward, and my mom is still cheating on my dad. And my haircut sucks. This will most probably take 1 and a 1-2 months to fix. Am not going back to that salon.


....

Why I'm still blogging here? Maybe I want someone out there to read this. Just not the people I know.

Fear.

I am now officially in love with my boyfriend completely. And yeah, I already had sex with him. Which I guess he deserves because he's becoming a really good boyfriend.

And being diviriginized is not about who deserves what or whoever which. Gawd, I'd die if anyone reads this blog. Fucker.

Point...

I don't have lots of friends as of the minute, see, I drove my blockada away somehow. Maybe it's karma, maybe it's whatever.. I don't know and I'd be learning about it someday.. but right now, it's too difficult to deal with. Maybe I'm becoming one of those people who run away from their fears, because that's exactly what I'm doing. Being weak. Not facing this unattactive social entanglement. And going to the boyfriend everytime something awkward breaks out.


What will become of me now? I don't want to be dependent on him because he'll hate me for that. I'll hate me for that.

Then the backups are all just backups.


But you know what I keep on thinking. Now is just now. You'll leave it behind as much as you do everything else.

Fear though, I never get to keep friends.

I want a friend I can keep.

I miss P.

W is for Whatever part 2

Is this post for season does it even matter?

It's 5 to 11 and it would be fair to say that I'm late for school, considering that my morning class starts at 7 and end pretty much ended 5 mins ago. Yeah. Well, not that it matters because the subject is totally useless.

I'm still going to school though. To eat (no groceries at home. Food, therefore, sucks), to collab with girlsies (adfrec), to see le boyfriend (much missed), and to submit fashion plates.

But pressure is off. I can be there at 1pm and no one would mind.


Would you believe I let my quasi-gay psychology professor doubt my philosophy in life!? See, I've dream of winning stuff couple of times and he interpret it as my dependence on fate and lack of courage to make my own decisions.

Does this make the "anti-pressure, live and love, let the world give you what it gives you" attitude unpreferrable?

...

I'm still not writing good enough.
Oh, and am using HP desktop for work/acad purposes since a.) its vista b.) it does not have virus c.) I INSTALLED THE COMPLETE SET OF CS4 PREMIUM PACKAGE (albeit, 30 day trial only).

oh well.

Little Miss M, you're in a rut.

Of course you are. You pioneered the social regulations to fit your liking and convenience, who would've known it will get you back.

But oh well. That's how it goes.


Nothing is perfect. Which is why you savor every last drop of a perfect moment. Or a moment in time when everything seems to be at peace.


Friendship

I keep on claiming that I no longer have college friends. It's half true, if not completely. I am utterly debarred from the posse I've given my heart to. It sucks, it fucking does. And it's sudden. And I find no sudden change to drastically change my lifestyle.

Anyhows, I have other friends.

I just messed my chance to the life-long 'core'.

Or I'm being negative... whatever.

I've gone through worse loves.


Family

It's almost perfect. If only my mom isn't cheating on my dad. And if only my dad isn't working me to my death and ruining my life.

Not that bad either.

Le Boyfriend

The boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex. Yuhhuh. Hot sex full of love, salive, sweat and cum. I don't want to because I know that I do love him, really really really much. But he's not the one. Yet?

He doesn't treat me as well as he should.

Is it a crime to complain that he doesn't have much manners?
And there's a lot of things about him that I don't want to adopt.





I WANNA BE MISS MANNERS! GOD HELP ME! MISS MANNERS!!!