God Provides

I've said it a million gazillion times, but MAYBE this time it's real. It awfully feels real.

I think I'm over you.

Yes, I know that there's still chance etc etc... but my heart just feels free-er. A whole lot free-er... from you.

Like it feels like I feel fine whoever I end up with. It no longer has to be you anymore. Maybe because I finally realized youre not perfect. That it's been a grand illusion for 5 years... maybe you feel the same also. Maybe the shadow of my imperfection is also looming over you as we talk. All that selfishness and overconfidence I have, its tugging on your sleeve.

You're not as manly, masipag, laidback as my imagination/ memory tells me.

Or ofcourse maybe it's because I have this imperfect boyfriend and I just love him more. Maybe it's psychology... like you love what you can't have. He's mine, but I can't have him. I'm sure I'm not a masochist with that love of hurting myself.... but frustration is desire's twin.

It sucks. It hurts. It's so unbelievably weird.

But still it's nice to know that you are there. Love or no love. It's like God is saying that whatever happens, WEIRDLY, someone loves me.