Fear.

I am now officially in love with my boyfriend completely. And yeah, I already had sex with him. Which I guess he deserves because he's becoming a really good boyfriend.

And being diviriginized is not about who deserves what or whoever which. Gawd, I'd die if anyone reads this blog. Fucker.

Point...

I don't have lots of friends as of the minute, see, I drove my blockada away somehow. Maybe it's karma, maybe it's whatever.. I don't know and I'd be learning about it someday.. but right now, it's too difficult to deal with. Maybe I'm becoming one of those people who run away from their fears, because that's exactly what I'm doing. Being weak. Not facing this unattactive social entanglement. And going to the boyfriend everytime something awkward breaks out.


What will become of me now? I don't want to be dependent on him because he'll hate me for that. I'll hate me for that.

Then the backups are all just backups.


But you know what I keep on thinking. Now is just now. You'll leave it behind as much as you do everything else.

Fear though, I never get to keep friends.

I want a friend I can keep.

I miss P.